Of Tears And Lullabies
by EveryStringAttached
Summary: Sort of AU episode tag to 5x01. Slightly JohnTeyla. Repost due to story issues. Please R


_A/N- Okay so I'm using some prompts to get me writing again, this prompt was __**'lullaby' **__and it's sort of an AU episode tag to 5x01 (Search and Rescue). In this, Kanaan's a bad guy (because I just don't like him). This was meant to be a drabble alas, it morphed into a Godzilla oneshot, it's also in second person,__*eeek*__ and excuse the title, it's 2am here :P Hope you enjoy it :)_

_Thanks to my awsome beta MaryMagdalen :D  
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**Of Tears and Lullabies**

The first thing you notice is the burning pain in your side, and you shake your head to try and get rid of the fog that's clouding your mind and your vision. Next it's a reassuring hand on your shoulder, and a familiar voice telling you that everything is okay.

Squinting against the offensive brightness of the artificial lights you make out the form of , who's standing to your right.

"Colonel," she starts, her voice soft and steady. "Your surgery went well; there were no complications," she smiles gently as she ticks a few things off the chart she has in her hand.

Attempting to talk, your words get caught in the scratchy dryness of your throat, and you swallow once or twice. "Thirsty," you manage to croak out, and Jennifer reaches for the glass of water that's on the bedside table. She helps you to sit up slightly, and you wince as some of the cool liquid makes its way down your throat.

"The intubation probably irritated your throat John; the discomfort will be gone in a day or so," she explains.

Suddenly you remember why you're even here in the first place and with a burst of energy you somehow manage to push yourself up to a sitting position and ignore the tearing pain the action causes.

"Teyla," you shout, as Jennifer and a nurse gently push you back down onto the bed.

"Teyla's fine; her baby's fine," Jennifer says, her eyes flicking over to the heart monitor. "You need to just relax and take it easy; you've had major surgery. Your body needs time to recuperate."

"I need to see her," you insist, but Jennifer shakes her head.

"Not tonight. You need your rest, and Teyla needs hers. Maybe tomorrow," she offers with a reassuring smile.

It does little to calm you though, and all you really want to do is see for yourself that Teyla is okay, that the mission was a success.

"But I..." you start before you are cut off by Jennifer asking how bad your pain is. "It's a four," you lie, and you fight to keep it from showing on your face.

The doctor doesn't look convinced but seems to go along with you anyway. "Okay," she says. "But this little button," she motions to the call button. "Press it if your pain gets any worse, alright, and we can give you something."

"I'll be fine," you tell her as she switches off the main light, leaving only the desk lamp to create a soft glow in the corner.

"Alright, but I'll be back to check on you in a couple of hours; try and get some rest," she tells you as she softly closes the door behind her.

The endless beeps of the machine you're hooked up to do nothing to help you rest. And your mind is elsewhere.

Teyla.

You know you won't be able to sleep until you've seen her with your own two eyes. Not until you've seen that she and her baby are really okay. Gritting your teeth against the pain you slowly sit up until you're perched on the edge of the bed.

If Dr. Keller saw what you were doing right now she'd be pissed, but she was the one who ordered you to get some rest; and you can't do that until your mind is put at ease. _Just following doctors orders_, you mentally justify it to yourself. Actually standing up was more painful than you'd expected it to be, and you find yourself pausing for a few minutes just to catch your breath.

Shuffling forward, slowly, you manage to unhook the IV line. _The one that's probably delivering your pain meds_, you realise as soon as you've done it. You shake your head; there's no time to think about that now. Deciding against disconnecting the heart monitor, knowing it would probably raise some alarm, you push it along with you instead. Surprisingly it gives you some much needed support and you are able to walk more easily.

You hold your breath as you wave your hand over the door control panel. It opens quietly and you walk out slowly, looking out for anyone who might catch you. You pass four rooms, all of which are empty with no disturbance; but they are all empty. Another wave of pain washes over you, and for a second you consider going back to your room, but the thought of her comes into your mind again and you continue on down the corridor.

Just short of the sixth room you freeze as you hear a noise. Cursing yourself for getting caught, you turn around slowly, but to your surprise there is no one there. Breathing a sigh of relief you start walking again. As you get closer to the next room you hear something again. But this time you recognise exactly what it is.

It's the sound of Teyla's voice. She's singing, and you'd know that beautiful, pure voice anywhere. Coming to a stop in front of the half opened door you pause and take in the sight in front of you.

There's a tiny bundle in her arms and she's looking down at him with a look you've never seen on her face before. She's singing softly to him, a lullaby by the sound of the soothing melody, and she's completely lost in her own world. The whole picture makes your heart melt, and the feeling of reassurance rushes through you like a flood.

Seeing that they really are okay, you don't want to interrupt this intimate moment any more than you already have. You forget the pain though as you turn around, and you let out a small hiss in response.

"John?" Teyla questions softly as she looks up to meet your eyes. "Dr. Keller said you were too weak for visitors," she says, and she eyes you with a concerned look on her face.

"I'm fine," you tell her, shuffling into the room slowly.

"You do not look fine," she remarks, shifting the baby in her arms.

"I'm walking aren't I?" you say, and you flash her your best grin. She smiles softly back and motions for you to come closer.

"How is the little guy?" you ask as you approach the bed. "Does he have a name yet?"

Teyla furrows her brow in response to your last question. "I already gave him a name. I told you before you went in for surgery," she explains.

You search your mind for any memory of what the baby's name is, but you can't find anything. "I was probably pretty drugged up by that point," you offer as an answer.

She doesn't seem to mind though, and she just smiles at you again. "I named him Torren, for my father," she says, and then you notice her cheeks flush a slight shade of pink. "I also gave him the name John, after you. Torren John," she states with a slight nod of her head.

You are momentarily taken aback, but you are aware of the smile on your face. "I think that is..." you start, but you falter as you realise you are not sure exactly how to take the news.

Teyla reaches out with her left hand, her right arm still protectively around her baby, and squeezes your hand. "You saved his life John, and my life; if it were not for you... She stops to take a breath, and you can see the tears shining in her eyes. "I named him after you because if it were not for you, he would not be here."

"I-I guess," you manage to stutter out as the memories come flooding back. The baby, just born, was wrapped protectively in McKay's jacket. You had held the baby in one arm, much like Teyla was holding him now, and had flown the Dart one handed. Never had you ever flown such precious cargo, and you doubt you ever will again. A wave of pain shakes you from your thoughts and you grip your side.

"John?" Teyla asks worriedly. "Shall I call Dr. Keller?"

You shake your head vigorously. "No, I'm fine. I just need to get off my feet," you explain, and look around the room for a chair that you can sit in. Dismayed, you realise there are none. You don't notice as Teyla's hand leaves yours and she shifts fully over to left and turns to lay on her side. By the time you turn your attention back to the bed, Teyla's back is to you and she now has the baby in her left arm.

"Come on," she says, looking back over her shoulder at you. "Get into bed," she tells you; and in any other situation you would have made some sort of comment about what Teyla had just said, but now wasn't the time, or the place.

You briefly consider the consequences of getting into this potentially compromising situation, but the allure of a soft bed and being in such close proximity to Teyla wins you over. You shuffle slowly round, and the pain is agonising as you climb up onto the bed. Shortly though the pain dulls to a mere throb and you adjust your position slightly so you are facing both of them.

She smiles at you and pulls the other half of the sheet up. "Feeling better?" she asks, and it's then you realise how small the bed actually is.

Clearing your throat you manage to answer her, "yes, thank you."

You both stay silent for a while after that; Teyla's eyelids flutter as she drifts in an out of a light sleep, and you find your eyes fixed on the little baby in her arms. He is awake but quiet, and his green eyes are opened wide, seemingly taking in his surroundings.

"He's beautiful Teyla," you finally say, breaking the silence; _just like you_, you add in your head.

"Thank you," she says, and presses a kiss to the baby's tiny head.

She sighs sadly and closes her eyes, and you know she is thinking of Kanaan.

"It wasn't your fault you know," you tell her. "What Kanaan did was all down to him; you had no idea what he was planning," you say, reaching over and gently brushing away hair that has fallen into her eyes.

"You weren't to know he was working with the Wraith. _F__or _the Wraith," you reassure her.

She shakes her head slightly and a single tear escapes from her closed eyes. "I should have known, should have sensed it..."

"You couldn't risk your baby's life; you remember what happened with the Queen."

"I know," she says with a sob, and you can see from the concentration etched on her face that she's trying to keep herself from breaking down. "But he's going to grow up without... without a father , John. What am I going to tell him?" she sobs, and the tears start to flow freely down her face. "I don't know if I can do this on my own," she admits.

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," you tell her. "For the meantime though you've got people here to lean on Teyla. McKay, Ronon, Keller – they're here for you. _I'm _here for you," you promise.

"Hey," you say as you gently take hold of the hand she's using to swipe furiously at her tears, "it's okay to cry."

At your words she seems to break completely, and she shifts towards you in the bed. She lays her head on your shoulder and cries, heavy, heaving sobs that break your heart. Torren, settled in between the two of you, is sleeping soundly, and is seemingly peacefully unaware of his mother's anguished cries.

"Whatever you need Teyla, I'm here," you say softly as you reach over to hug her as best as you can, and you are grateful that your wound is on your right side. "You don't have to do any of this alone. I promise you that," you tell her as she continues to cry.

It's a while before she calms down, but Teyla's sobs eventually quiet to soft sniffles. "Thank you John, for everything you do for me," she says, her eyes still watery as she smiles. "I just wish I could... do something for you, to repay you, to..."

"You don't have to do anything. All you need to concentrate on is being this little guy's mom," you tell her, gently brushing your fingers over the soft hair on Torren's head.

Your hand comes to rest on her arm and you find yourself absentmindedly stroking the soft skin you find there. "You could sing again though," you say, suddenly remembering the lullaby you had heard her sing hours ago.

She gives you a puzzled look, one which changes to a look of slight embarrassment. "You heard me?" she asks, biting her lip.

"Yeah I did," you say with a smile. "You have a beautiful voice Teyla. In fact you have the most beautiful voice I've ever heard."

"Now that cannot be true," she counters, the blush in her cheeks intensifying.

"But it is," you reply, nodding your head to emphasize your point.

"You really want me to sing?" she asks, almost nervously.

Nodding your head you settle down into the pillow, the action causing a slight spike in the pain you're still feeling, but it's not too uncomfortable. "I'm all ears."

Teyla closes her eyes and draws in a large breath before she begins to sing. It's soft, softer than before, but it's soothing nonetheless. Your hand finds hers, and your fingers entwine. The words she's singing are Athosian, and you don't understand them; but that doesn't matter. You're lost in the rising and falling melody, and you're asleep before you have a chance to hear the last sleepy note slip from Teyla's lips.

You don't hear the gentle footsteps of as she walks into Teyla's room, or hear her curse herself not seeing that something like this would happen. You don't see the smile she allows herself as she fully closes the door on her way out to give you both some privacy; but you feel as Teyla snuggles closer into you, and even in your sleep you hold her tighter, and you dream that it can only get better from now on.

**_FIN_**


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